Perspective

So I have been having a MAJOR pity party lately.  Today I had a moment of clarity, I am wallowing and feel no peace because I have moved myself so far from The Prince of Peace and Healer of Souls, my Savior Jesus Christ.  If I were reading my scriptures more often, praying day and night I would have peace during a time of great turmoil in our lives.  Do I wish things were different than they were . . . Yes.  But wishing doesn't change what is or what will be.  I need peace in my home for myself and my family.  It is sobering to think that I can blame no one for the chaos I feel but myself.  I was at work today and started watching a bunch of the little clips from www.mormon.org.  There was one by Alex Boye, he is a singer with a beautiful voice and has several albums out.  Below his little video clip was a bio on him and his thoughts and one of them really caught my attention that I would like to share here:

THE CELLPHONE VS THE SCRIPTURES
I wonder what would happen if we treated our scriptures like we treat our cell phones?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we flipped through it several times a day?
What if we spent an hour or more using it every day?
What if we used it to receive messages?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to other kids as gifts?
What if we used it as we traveled? What if we used it in case of an emergency?
This is something to make you go...."Hmmm..Dude.. where is my scriptures?"

Unlike our cell phones:
One Plan does fit all.
Unlimited usage. No roaming charges.
You always have reception.
You can use it in the mountains and in a tunnel.
It's free with no hidden costs,
AND you don't ever have to worry about your scriptures
being disconnected because CHRIST has already paid the bill!


I don't know why I insist on making my life harder, by trying to do it all myself.  This must be one of those lessons it will take me a lifetime to learn.  I'm sure everyone reading this is a faster learner than I am!

I hope everyone has a blessed and Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!

Family Pictures

We just had some family pictures taken and they turned out so cute!  Natalie Campbell was the one who took the photos.  Her website is www.nataliecowlingcampbellphotography.blogspot.com.  Hope you enjoy!

Happy Birthday Jake!

Jake's birthday was Sunday July 10th and he turned 32!  Holy cow we are getting old.  At least according to our children we are!  So honey here are 32 reasons why I love you!  Happy Birthday!

1. You make me laugh(even when I don't want to).
2.  After 10 years of marriage you are more good lookin than when we first met.
3.  You are a great father!
4.  You know what I need and when I need it!
5.  You work really hard at your job to provide for your family.
6.  You have a strong testimony.
7.  You support me in all my decisions(even the not so good ones).
8.  You make me feel beautiful.
9.  You gave me 3 beautiful boys!
10.  You know when my MS is acting up and you pick up my slack.
11.  You love your calling(and you do it well).
12.  You make time to take me on dates.
13.  You give me massages!
14.  You watch chick flicks with me.
15.  You think I'm so talented(I so have you fooled!).
16.  When you come home from work, you ask me what you can do to help me.
17.  You think it's cute when I cry(which is A LOT).
18.  When we were first engaged and my mom didn't like you so much, you went out of your way to serve her and you won her over!
19.  You married me for time and all eternity.
20.  You eat ice cream with me(even when I shouldn't have it).
21.  You clean and do laundry without being asked.
22.  You take all 3 kids and go places with them.
23.  You put God and family first in your life.
24.  You know when to say "I'm sorry."(I'm still working on that one.)
25.  You let me be right(even when I'm wrong).
26.  I love the way you laugh.
27.  I love the way you do your little scream.
28.  You torture our children, because you can.
29.  You are a mean parent too!
30.  You call me just to say hi and see how my day is going.
31.  You don't mind when I go out with my girlfriends.
32.  You love me more than I could have ever imagined.

Babe, we've been married for 10 1/2 years and they have been the best and hardest years of my life.  I am so glad the Lord gave me you to have for eternity!  Here's to the next 10 1/2 years and many more after that!  I love you!

Photo Book

Click here to view this photo book larger

The "Miracle" of birth!

It has been waaaay too long since I posted.  So I didn't want to go to sleep yet(even though I should), so I will update you all on how my LAST labor went!  I think there is just one word for it really . . . HORRIFIC!

I had was is called a Single Umbilical Artery this pregnancy.  This just means that rather than having one vein and 2 arteries in the umbilical cord, you have one vein and one artery.  There is really no risk to the mother, but it can cause developmental problems with the baby.  Luckily, this was never the case for Z, but my doctor wanted to induce me a week early because the specialist she consulted said it is best for SUA babies to be delivered at 39 weeks.  Hey I wasn't complaining, I was happy to be put out of my misery and I had been induced with the previous 2 babies.  I figured, no sweat!  WRONG!!!

Well I came in bright and early on February 7th.  I had slept very little the night before.  My other 2 inductions had not been planned in advance like this one, so I had had all night to be anxious and excited.  However, I was feeling good(the adrenaline I'm sure) and was ready to have a baby!  The last time I had been in the hospital(see previous post), my labor quite and I came home with no baby.  This time, I was not leaving without one!

The nurse checked my cervix(that's my favorite part ;)) and it was quite high, I was only about 50% effaced and not dilated at all.  So they gave me my first gel at 5:50 am.  I had been having contractions throughout my whole pregnancy, so the first one wasn't so bad.  I walked around, watched a bit of a movie and ate a snack. The nurse came back a couple hours later to give me my second gel.  She checked me again and found that I had dilated to a 2!  Great!  I'm thinkin, at this rate I'll have the baby by lunch time!  She told me that they would only give me a third gel if I felt the contractions getting weaker.  So I labored for about another couple hours and my contractions were starting to wane.  I called the nurse and she came and gave me the last gel.  That kicked it up about 100 notches!  

My labor felt different this time.  It was all in my back and it was really REALLY painful.  Come to find out, Z was sunny side up.  I had heard people talk about back labor being bad, but you can't really appreciate it until you experience it.  Imagine someone is ripping your body in half and you might be close to understanding what it feels like.  Did I ask for pain meds?!  Heck no!  I was going to do this "naturally"!  This was my last baby and I was going to do it the "right" way.  I labored in the tub, on the birthing ball and walked.  

The pain finally got so intense that I was confined to the bed.  When I walked the contractions came one after the other with no break in between.  When you looked at the monitor of my contractions, they were so intense you couldn't even see the peak of them.  The graph needle couldn't go that high and they were LONG!  But I was doing okay.  I had Jake and my mom there coaching me, helping me to breathe and try to relax my body.

Well around 10am my doctor came in to see how I was doing and to check me.  I told her I was doing okay, but that I was having really bad back labor.  She had me get on my hands and knees on the bed and do the yoga poses cat and then cow and when a contraction would come I was to go into Child's pose.  She had Doogie Houser(did I even spell that right?) with her who wanted to witness a birth for his "training".  I wasn't shy so I said sure.  By the way, I was only at a 3 at this point!  Really?  They left and I continued to labor on my hands and knees, in the tub and on the birthing ball.  

Shortly after they left, I felt some fluid trickling out.  My water has never broken on it's own, so I thought maybe it had broken.  My doctor came back in to test the fluid.  It was negative for amniotic fluid, but she wasn't ruling out the possibility.

Around 1pm, Doogie Houser comes in sans my doctor.  He begins talking but I'm not really able to focus on what he is saying because I am having REALLY intense contractions and he won't shut up!  My mom had to tell him to zip it so I could finish a contraction.  Finally some of the words began to register in my brain and they went something like this, "Um, I was just wondering how much longer you think it's going to be because I haven't eaten lunch yet, but I don't want to leave because Dr. Claxton told me to stick around.  With your history if your water has broken you go pretty fast, but I didn't bring a lunch, so . . . "  I'm sorry, WHAT?!  Where did you get your degree?  The University of Idiocy with a degree in What NOT to say to a woman in labor?  I looked and him and said, "I don't know!  It could be 20 minutes, it could be 2 hours!"  At that point he excused himself and as he is leaving the room I look at my mom and ask, "Was he SERIOUSLY asking me when I thought this baby would be born?"  My mother said, "Yes, honey he was." 

Right around 3 came the changing of the nurses.  My new nurse had a student with her too!  Oh goodie!  At this point I was so tired, but I was not able to rest.  The nurse asks me if I want the epidural, I tell her that I might want one.  So she goes to talk to my Dr. about it.  Next thing I know Dr. Claxton comes in to give me the bad news.  She can't give me an epidural.  I am not far enough along and if I get one now, I will HAVE to have a C-section.  She doesn't want that and she knows I don't want that either.  She prescribes me a shot of some pain meds to help take the edge off so I can rest.  The masochistic nurse from hell comes in to give me the shot.  I roll to my side and she says, "You'll feel a little pinch and it will sting a little."  She has obviously NEVER had one of these shots before.  She shoved that needle in so hard I swear she hit the bone and a little stinging?  Try, MY A** IS ON FIRE AND I'M BEING STUNG BY A THOUSAND BEES!  So I was in pain from that shot, I was contracting and crying so hard I couldn't breathe.  I yelled out, "I can't breathe!"  Devil nurse tells me, "Open your eyes".  Her face is right in mine trying to get me to breathe and all I wanted to do was punch her in the face!          

Well the pain from the shot finally subsides and the nurses change shifts and devil nurse is gone.  Replaced by my wonderful night nurse.  She was awesome.  It gets to be about 10pm and I am only sleeping for 1-2 minutes at a time.  I am so exhausted that I fall asleep after a contraction finished.  I tell Jake to go home and have my mom come stay the night with me so he can get some rest.  No, he insists on staying with me.  So he pulls out the uncomfortable hospital bed and trys to sleep.  I call in my nurse to ask her if there is anything she can give me to help me sleep.  She gets approval for another shot of pain meds, which immediately makes the water works start for me.  I tell her about devil nurse and how much it hurt.  Angel nurse says, "Awww, it shouldn't have hurt like that.  I promise I won't hurt you like that."  And she was right.  It was a little pinch and a little sting and it was over.  Before leaving she tells me, call me in if you feel the urge to push or if the contractions get worse. 

Well that shot didn't help me sleep, but it did make my contractions worse.  Being the sweet wife I am, I labored by myself for several hours(I know the Lord sent angels to be with me) so my hubbie could sleep.  Finally I can bear it no longer and I wake Jake up because I NEED him to help me through this.  This was his fault anyway.  So he gets up and grumpily sets a chair down next to my bed and this is what I hear,

"I'm so TIRED!  I only slept for 2 hours, but it wasn't even good sleep.  I feel like I haven't even slept at ALL!"  I'm sorry, what?  Are you really saying these words?  So then I say, "FINE, LEAVE!  You are ZERO help to me anyway!  I told you to go home and have my mom come, but you insisted on staying!  So just GO!"  I was just a little ticked!  He realized he was being a jackass and didn't complain to me after that.

I call Angel nurse in shortly after that because I am in so much pain.  She starts an IV on me because I am getting dehydrated.  It helped with the pain, but made me pee a lot which was not good for my contractions.  I was ready to die.  It was around 5am the following morning and I was about to ask for a C-section.  I had gone to the bathroom for the hundredth time and felt that I needed the nurse to check me.  I had Jake call her in.  She checked me and said that I was at a 5 and I was now 100% effaced.  WHAT?  She asks me if I want an epidural and the water works begin again.  I blubber about how my Dr. told me I couldn't have one and why.  She said that I should be progressed enough to have one.  She checked with the Dr. and the verdict was in . . . YES!  I was so happy, yet conflicted.  I was so determined, but Jake assured me that 24 hours of doing this naturally was good enough and it was time to get some rest.

The epidural man came and made me feel all better and I went right to sleep and slept for 4 hours.  It was bliss.  When I woke up I was dilated to an 8.  Z was still not turned all the way, but he was close.  An hour later I made them break my water and at 11:28am just after 2 contractions out he came weighing 6lbs. 15oz. and measuring 19inches long.  Hallelujah!  29 1/2 hours, but he was worth the wait.

You've Been Punked!

That is the phrase I was waiting to hear early Thursday morning.  Wednesday night I went into labor and things were going along quite well for several hours.  I was having good strong contractions every 2 minutes so we went in to the hospital.  When I got there, they put me in a triage bed, hooked me up to the monitors and asked me the million questions that they ask when you are registering.  The contractions were still coming strong and consistent.  By the time the nurse had finished with all the questions, they checked my cervix(fun!).  Unfortunately it was still quite high and not dilated at all yet.  By this time I had been having contractions for about 4 hours.  The nurse sent me to wander the halls for an hour with Jake.  That hour felt like 10!  We came back after an hour and they checked me again and guess what?!  No change in my cervix!  What the crap?!  A few minutes later they decided to hook me back up to the monitors.  That's when I noticed a change in the contractions.  They were coming less frequently.  The nurse told me that they were going to move me to a room and give me some morphine to help me sleep.  I had woken up contracting at 11:15pm and it was now almost 5 am.  I was so tired.  She also said that many times women wake up and are in better labor.  So I said let's do it.

I fell asleep and when I woke up I was feeling very little.  I knew what that meant.  They were going to send me home.  I mean what else could they do?  I was still 10 days from my induction date and 16 days from my due date!  Too early to induce.  By the time the doctor came to see me it was 9am.  I was hungry and still really tired.  The last time I had eaten was 2pm the previous day and had only gotten sleep at 2 hour intervals twice that night/morning.  The doctor ordered an AFI (where they measure the amount of amniotic fluid I have), and I asked one of the nurses for some food.  Well Jake leaves to go to the cafeteria to get breakfast and I wait for mine to come.  It never does.  So they come get me for the AFI and I think that my food will be waiting for me when I get back.

The AFI does not go well.  The sonographer had a hard time seeing my cervix because the baby's head was in the way and she was pushing really hard on the lower part of my abdomen.  She was surprised it hurt(clearly she's never been pregnant).  I told her, there isn't much cushion there.  It's just my skin and the baby's head(idiot).  Anyway.  The torture finally ends and I get back to my room.  Still no food.  Now I'm crying without stopping because I just want to eat and sleep, but no one seems to understand that.  Jake goes out to ask about the food and they say, "It's not here yet?"  So then they tell him they'll get some for me.  15 minutes later the nurse comes in to check me again and get me ready for discharge and finally the phone rings in my room.  They are asking me what i want to eat?!  Really!  I ask if they have eggs, no, because it is now 11:30am, only lunch stuff.  I look at the nurse and ask are you ready to discharge me?  She says they are so I say forget the food, I just want out of there!  We are discharged 10 minutes later.  Jake takes me down to the cafeteria to get me something to eat.  I'm not really in the mood for lunch food, but I don't have much choice.  So I grab a sandwich and juice.  I scarf it down and can feel my ability to reason coming back to me.  Needless to say, I did the ugly face cry A LOT that day!

We get back home and I promptly fall asleep for several hours.  I am thankful for good friends who offered to help out with my boys.  So that's it!  I was punked by my baby!

Resolutions

Every year I make New Years Resolutions, but I don't know that I ever take them seriously because I feel like it is the same thing over and over again.  My mom gave a great talk in church the Sunday after Christmas about New Years Resolutions and to take a different approach, by coming up with a theme for the year.  Hers was "Closer to Heaven in 2011".  She said that by focusing our goals around a theme that it will be easier to refocus on what we are hoping to accomplish.  I really liked that idea so I decided to come up with my own.

My theme for the new year is A.S.A.P.  Which will stand for "Always Say A Prayer".  I have felt the need to come closer to God and what better way than to A.S.A.P.?  Prayer is our direct line to God and a way to get to know Him intimately and come closer to Him.  So my goals to go along with my theme are these:

1. Have family prayer morning and night
2. Have my individual prayers morning and night
3. Offer prayers in my heart when I need strength and cannot pray allowed.
4. Encourage my children to say their personal prayers.
5. Have couple's prayer with my husband.
6. Read scriptures daily on my own and as a family.

So there you have it!  My new year's theme!  A.S.A.P.!

Technology!

I love technology, but it can be a real pain sometimes.  I have been trying to upload new photos onto my computer so I can put them up on my blog.  Well, I have had to do it at work.  The first day I brought my computer to work, I forgot the USB cable.  Nice.  So today I grabbed the whole box from when I bought my camera, which should contain the USB cable.  It was especially slow at work today, so I took out the box to go over the manual and add my pixs.  I open the box, no USB!  I know it was there when I bought it and I am now remembering that it is attached to my adapter that I use to charge the battery!  Really?  So, I think, "Okay, I'll just put my memory card into my printer at work and get them that way."  I put the memory card in the printer and get an error message saying "memory card error".  Now this is just getting ridiculous! 

I think I will wait until this week is over to post pixs and get "caught up" with my techno stuff.  I will be done with work after this week so I'm thinkin' yeah.

Am I done yet?

That is how I feel now that I am 35 weeks pregnant!  The doctors are estimating that the baby is already 5 pounds and will gain between 1/2 and and 1 pound a week from now on!  Monster baby!  No thank you!  The weekly stress tests and fluid checks have now begun to make sure everything is still good with me and the baby.  The first one was today and everything was fine.  However, I did gain 4 pounds over the weekend!  I really hope that is water!  My face and filangies look fairly normal as do my ankles.  Uh oh!  The heartburn is constant and my belly feels like it has stretched as far as it will go!  I am so glad this is our last one!  Can I get an amen anyone?

Grinchy Christmas

I'm not gonna lie, I feel like a Grinch this Christmas.  I am totally having a pity party, so if you decide not to read this post, I understand. 

It has not felt like Christmas at all to me this year.  I have been working so much I have not had time or energy for anything Christmas.  I haven't been involved in ANY music this season and that is really what makes it feel like Christmas to me.  I love singing the Messiah, going to Holiday Dinner, conducting the ward Christmas program, preparing a piece to sing for a recital that is Christmas related.  It makes me so sad that I have not sung really at all this season.

All my kids, and husband, have talked about have been gifts.  What we are going to give and what they want to get.  To be honest, I don't even really want anything.  I take that back, what I want this year is to be able to rest and relax, be with my family, make Christmas goodies for our friends, go caroling and revel in the goodness of my Savior.  I feel like our Christmas has become too commercial.  It has not been Christ-centered.  Maybe that is my fault.  I just want to feel the joy of the season.  I hope that happens when I go down to San Diego to spend Christmas with my family.

Okay, I'm done now. 

A grateful heart!

I am writing this post in the hopes that I will stop focusing on all that is wrong in my life and realize that I am so blessed.  It takes a consious effort!  So here goes!

#1 We went through a tornado that damaged one of the windows in our home that needed to be replaced and because of the broken glass our carpet had to be ripped out.  Blessing:  We have hated our carpet and have been wanting to replace it and now we can do it for free.  We were able to replace the carpet in our dining area with beautiful ceramic tile thanks to Jake and his brothers.  They did the install and it turned out awesome!

#2 My growing baby has a single umbilical artery.  It can cause developmental problems.  Blessing:  Lord has blessed this baby to be growing the way he should so far.  I am grateful he is healthy so far.

#3 We needed a bigger car and refuse to have a payment(thank you Dave Ramsey).  Blessing:  We found a minivan with 88,000 miles on it that might work.  So we tried to sell our Sorento.  We placed an ad and it sold in 24 hours for $5500.  Exactly what we had been hoping for.  We went to the dealership with the minivan we were considering and offered $5000 total all taxes/fees for the van.  They countered with $5610, I countered with $5500 and they accepted!  New car with tons of room, no car payment!

#4  As of Monday the 22nd we will have spent over $2000 repairing our vehicles.  Blessing: Because we have been doing the Dave Ramsey Total Money Make Over, we have had the cash to pay for those repairs.

#5  Three days after we bought our van the check engine light went on!  Blessing:  It is under warranty still so we can take it in to find out what is wrong and, hopefully, get it fixed for free.

Additional blessings in my life are many, but I will name a few.  I have a good job that allows me to be very flexible with my schedule.  My MS is under control right now.  I have 2 beautiful boys that I adore and that give me so much love in return.  I have a husband who gives so much to me and who loves me despite all my faults.  He is always looking for ways to serve me and make me feel loved and valued.  He is the perfect eternal companion for me.  I have the best brothers, sisters, in-laws, parents(step and natural), step-siblings(although I think of them as my real siblings), nephews, nieces, cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents and friends!  I am so blessed with so many wonderful people in my life!  Great, now I'm crying!  Well what do you expect from a hormonal pregnant woman?! 

I think my grateful heart grew a few sizes today!  What are you grateful for?

And you thought your week was bad.

Wednesday morning I awoke to the sound of high winds and heavy rain and hail.  It was about 5:15am.  Jake was at work, Sean was asleep in bed with me and Kurtis was asleep in his room.  The wind was becoming more intense and the house groaned in protest.  Then the whole house started shaking.  Being a California native, I thought "earthquake", but I knew that was not what it was.  I sat up in bed and pulled Sean close to me, ready to run for it.  It sounded like a roaring train and I thought our roof was about to be ripped off.  The power went out and, being in Bellemont, it became pitch black.  The shaking stopped, but the wind, rain and hail continued.  Kurtis burst into my room crying, shaking and saying that his window had broken.  I hugged my boys and reassured them we were safe.  The first thing Kurtis asked was if we could say a prayer.  Of course.  We had a prayer. 

After the prayer, I said, "I think that was a tornado." I couldn't see anything outside it was so dark.  I took the boys night light downstairs to get another flashlight.  I heard voices that sounded closer and clearer than they should have been coming from our dining room window.  As I moved closer I saw all the glass.  I put shoes on and went into our backyard.  Both fences were severely bowed and one almost completely torn down.  I then saw the roof of our shed on the ground in front of our window.  The tornado had ripped the roof off the shed and thrown it against the window.  I went around the house with the flashlight to make sure everything else was still intact.  Other than the window and fences our house was okay.  Many of our neighbors; however, were not as fortunate.  I will post pictures of where we were soon, but this is the destruction from the tornado in another part of the development.

Both houses in this photo had almost all their windows blown out by the tornado and part of the roof ripped off.

This is our friend's boat that was catapulted into another friend's house above her son's bedroom.  They got out in time before the ceiling collapsed over all three bedrooms.

This is another friend's home.  They must have been in the eye of the storm at one point.  From what their daughter relayed to me.  Everyone in that home was lucky to be alive.

I know without a doubt God was watching over the families of Bellemont.  There were no major injuries, not even the woman who was picked up and thrown 5 houses down by the tornado!  There were a few broken bones and some needed stitches, but that was it.  I will post more photos soon.  We just praise the Lord that we were held in the hallow of His hand that fateful morning.

Halloween, an excuse to dress slutty. UGH!

Why is it that whenever Halloween comes around all the costumes for women are slutty?  Or at least the ones you find in the store.  You have to make it if you want a modest costume.  It's cheaper anyway.  I just took a peek at the costumes on the walmart website and so many have titles with the word "sassy" in it.  I'm sorry, but call it what it is, SLUTTY!  It makes me really grateful that I am having all boys.  I won't ever have to tell my daughter no when she wants to wear a "sassy" costume because all her friends are and because it's "really cute".

As for me, I am going to be Minnie Mouse, a pregnant Minnie.  Oh no Mickey!  I have a black maternity skirt that I am going to attach a tail and poka dots to and then where a red shirt and my Minnie ears.  Cost, $10 for the red shirt.  And I can wear the red shirt again.  So, no thank you walmart, you can keep your "sassy"(SLUTTY) Minnie costume.

This year we will have one Indiana Jones, one Woody, one pregnant Minnie, and if I can get Jake to cooperate, one Mickey.  It's a Disney Halloween for us this year.  How about you?  What are you going to be?

I Feel 8 Again!

We are going to Disneyland in 5 days!  I haven't been there in over 4 years!  It has always been a favorite place for me.  I remember my parents never told us when we were going because that was all we would talk about until we went.  We would wake up in the morning and our parents would tell us we were going somewhere special.  Then once we were in the car the mystery would be revealed!  Oh my gosh we are going to the Happiest Place On Earth!

I have literally been visiting the Disneyland website every day this week looking at all the rides, shows and places we will eat and I just become more excited by the moment!  We will be there for 5 days!  My kids are so excited!  I think I might be more excited than them though!  I am the kind of excited when you feel like you can't contain it and you start to giggle because the excitement has to come out some way or another! 

I have to buy a memory card for my camera so I can bombard everyone with pictures when we get back!  Just in case you weren't sure, I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it!

 

Music Lessons

I finally think I found a way to make money doing music.  I know amazing!  I want you to tell everyone you know about this program and join if you can.  It's called, "Let's Play Music".  My sister in law Allison does it and loves it!  I am really looking forward to getting started.  Click on this link to watch a video about the program.  http://letsplaymusicsite.com/video/ If you live in the Flagstaff, Bellemont, Parks or Williams area and have children ages 4-6 and would like to take a FREE sample class please e-mail me at: jbarnum921@msn.com to secure you spot in one of my FREE sample classes.

Thanks for the love!

I have the greatest people in my life that I call friends.  I vent and they post beautiful things to help me up out of my stoop and help me see that what I do is important!  Thank you to all of you!

Now time for a funny story.

Last night I had to drive a friend down to Phoenix.  She had a super early flight this morning and needed to stay overnight and be taken to the airport at 4:30am.  She is my best friend and is moving to Iowa(boo!).  She had to go to look for a house and apply for jobs.  So I volunteered for the job so we could spend some time together before she leaves in 3 weeks.

We didn't get on the road until about 6pm.  As we drove down we talked about where we would eat dinner and we decided on P.F. Changs because I've never been there.  Well we didn't know where the nearest one was and we didn't think of calling anyone about it until we were about 30 minutes from our hotel.  At this point, it was about 8:15 and we were hungry.  We called a friend and she looked up where we were and told us where the nearest P.F. Changs was.  About 30 minutes in the opposite direction of where we were going.  We thought, oh we'll go anyway.  So we turn around, get off the freeway at Bell Rd. and start heading west.  I see street lights, 33rd St., 38th St. and I realize we have to go all the way down to 83rd St.!!!  Brie and I look at each other and decide that it's not worth it and turn ourselves back around.  We decide to find somewhere by our hotel to eat.

We finally reach our off ramp and we can see the hotel from the freeway.  We know we are so close.  We didn't see the immediate street to get to it so we consult our directions from Mapquest.  The directions tell us to turn on a street that runs parallel to the hotel, so we do.  Next we are to turn left on 53rd. Ave.  One problem, we can't find 53rd Ave. and we are WAY past our hotel.  So we flip around and Brie states that we must have passed it.  You think?  We're looking and we still don't see it and we pass it yet again.  Turns out that 53rd Ave. is a very small, dark side street.  The third time around, we see it and turn in.  We pass through an open gate to a housing/apartment complex.  To say the complex looked shady would have been an understatement.

Our directions are telling us to turn left onto Wilimetta which is where our hotel SHOULD be, but instead it is a dead end of apartments.  Brie starts freaking out saying, "Get us out of here!"  I tell her to calm down and we start making our way back out when she jokes, "Maybe we should go ask someone for directions."  Yeah, like I'm getting out of the car.  There were plenty of tricked out cars lining the complex though.  Make of that what you will.

We get out of the complex and praise the Lord that the gate was still open.  Then Brie has the genius idea of actually calling the hotel to get directions.  Hmmmm, now why didn't I think of that?  At this point we are laughing at the hilarity of it all and still shaking from our "brush with death".  We finally get to the hotel and check in.

Food is the next item on the itinerary.  There are a few choices.  A McDonalds right across from the hotel with several questionable characters loitering outside, or an IHOP, Taco Bell and Carl's Jr. across the freeway.  So IHOP it is.  We get there and the first thing we see is a sign on the door that reads, "No Weapons Allowed".  Nice.  We get seated and order some food.  Then I notice there is a man a couple of booths away that keeps staring in our direction.  Not gonna lie, it was freakin me out!  A short while later the man starts taking to a couple of ladies in another booth about how he made so much more money when Bush was president and about politics.  He sounds Russian.  Then a couple of men in the booth behind us start  talking about their parole and what constitutes a violation, extra jail time and the like.  GET ME OUTTA HERE!  Thankfully we are done eating.  As we pay the bill, the manager says, "Come again." yeah, will do.  We get outside and almost RUN back to the car.

Once back at the hotel, we get into our room fasten all the bolts, get ready for bed and fall asleep about 10:50pm.  We awake at 3:50am and have just enough time to get Brie to the airport and for me to drive back home to Flag.  I get home at 7:15, just in time for Sean to wake up and for Jake to take Kurtis to the bus stop and for him to go to a training for work.

It's 11:40, I'm still in my jammies and I have 30 minutes to get ready to go to work for a few hours.  I can't wait.  All I have to say is, I had better sleep good tonight!

Frustrated!

Do you ever get the feeling that what you are trying to do is meaningless?  I am suddenly finding out all these things about myself that I don't necessarily like.  I am realizing that while I have good ideas, I rarely execute them or finish them if I do start.  Why is that?  I don't really know why I do that.

I wanted to write a cookbook, but haven't finished.  Why?  Maybe because I think, no one will be interested in "healthy recipes".  I have started several businesses, but never been successful.  Why?  Maybe it's because I am not good at the mundane aspects of the business and so I sabotage myself.  I would like to start a women's choir for LDS young women and relief society sisters, but can't seem to do so because I don't know where to start.  Why do I not seem to be going anywhere or doing ANYTHING!  I write blogs that few people read, sell products that few people want, work jobs that hold no meaning for me, have a diseased body that won't let me do all I want to do and I have a music education degree that I can't use.

I just feel so FRUSTRATED with my life.  I'm not very good at being a mom or at anything else for that matter and I feel so lost right now.  What can I do to change that?  I want my life to have meaning or at least feel like it does.  Right now I feel like I am just existing, trying to make it through the day with enough energy to do what is absolutely necessary.  I don't expect an answer, but I had to write out my feelings today.

Attention Sugar Addicts!

There's a new blog in town!  http://confessions-of-a-sugarholic.blogspot.com/.  If you feel the need for sugar, EVER, then you are a sugar addict and should read this blog. 

New Moon Release!

I have to say it, I am so excited for the release of New Moon.  I have decided to order it through Amazon for a few reasons.
1. I can get the Blu-ray for $21.99 
2. I can make sure I receive it on the release date, which means no waiting in line!  I love it!

The 2 disc special edition is only $20.49.  I prefer Blu-ray because it will include all that is in the 2 disc special edition, and generally comes with a digital copy that you can put on your iPod.  Sometimes it even comes with a regular DVD copy.  Can't wait to get mine!

Sisters

Yesterday my best friend Brieanne watched Sean for me when I had to work.  She is one of the greatest people I know!  She is a wonderful friend and she and I are like 2 peas in a pod!  Anyway.  After picking up Sean, this is the conversation Kurtis and I had.
Kurtis- "Mom, Brieanne is a good sister huh."
Mom- "What do you mean?  Brieanne is a very good friend, but I don't understand what you mean by her being my sister."
Kurtis- "Well, we are all God's children, right?"
Mom- "Right"
Kurtis- "Well, if we are all God's children then that would make Brieanne your sister."
Mom- "That's right honey, in that way Brieanne is my sister."

Out of the mouths of babes.