Do you ever get the feeling that what you are trying to do is meaningless? I am suddenly finding out all these things about myself that I don't necessarily like. I am realizing that while I have good ideas, I rarely execute them or finish them if I do start. Why is that? I don't really know why I do that.
I wanted to write a cookbook, but haven't finished. Why? Maybe because I think, no one will be interested in "healthy recipes". I have started several businesses, but never been successful. Why? Maybe it's because I am not good at the mundane aspects of the business and so I sabotage myself. I would like to start a women's choir for LDS young women and relief society sisters, but can't seem to do so because I don't know where to start. Why do I not seem to be going anywhere or doing ANYTHING! I write blogs that few people read, sell products that few people want, work jobs that hold no meaning for me, have a diseased body that won't let me do all I want to do and I have a music education degree that I can't use.
I just feel so FRUSTRATED with my life. I'm not very good at being a mom or at anything else for that matter and I feel so lost right now. What can I do to change that? I want my life to have meaning or at least feel like it does. Right now I feel like I am just existing, trying to make it through the day with enough energy to do what is absolutely necessary. I don't expect an answer, but I had to write out my feelings today.
6 comments:
Ugg. I hate when I feel like this. The things we do seem to have little feedback sometimes, and it's easy to get discouraged. I'm figuring out the best way to deal with it myself, but I understand what you're saying. It's been hard for me since I finished school to figure what I should do or accomplish as well.
You are not alone! At times it seems like all our good ideas no matter how good they are end up in failure and it feels pointless to even try. We've been there over and over. Sometimes I feel like we're doomed or crazy to keep trying. The word frustrated is probably overused in my house. This post makes me want to give you a big hug and say come hang with me! You are a better mom than you think you are and just being that gives life meaning even if it doesn't always feel like it. I saw a YW video last night that was talking about how great things would come from the little things we do and showed women washing dishes and doing other everyday things - so don't underestimate yourself for doing the necessary. Heavenly Father doesn't. You are an amazing woman and I hope you know it!
Love from Lissy
Rough day?? (think of Alphalpha) I know that exsisting isn't enough for anyone, especially you. Reading your blog made my heart sad for you because I know that feeling too. You are a great mom, make no mistake, but doing something outside of mothering take alot of effort and TIME! Jessica, you need to give yourself time! Success at anything doesn't happen over night. I see you hoping from one business to another. I was getting so frustrated with my photography business and I had to figure out why. I was too worried about making money. Once I let it go and started doing what I loved because it made me happy things started to flow. Join some networking groups to start promoting your business face to face you will see the difference within a year. Do it because you love it! That is the business you want to be in. I love you.
um, you are so wrong! for one, i DO read your blog. faithfully! i don't always make comments, cause i can't when i'm reading them (at work). a music education degree is a blessing to all who work with you in music...at church, your kids, your hubby, your friends. it doesn't have to be community-wide influential. that was probably just a down day. it'll get better! we all have those moments. love you tons!!!!!
1) You are a fantastic mom! You learned from the best and I see you do your best. Listening to Conference today reminded me of how good you are at nurturing and teaching morals to your boys which is the most important thing you can do for your family.
2) In the world of business there are 3 types of people/managers that correspond with the 3 phases of a company: Entrepreneurs who begin companies, Process Implementers who grow companies, and Long-term Managers who sustain what the first two have done. It sounds like you have a lot of entrepreneurial spirit. You need to link up with people who can help you create, standardize, and implement processes that make your ideas work for you. Growth does not mean expanding your clientele as fast as possible, growth means increasing the value added to the life of the customer. Later you can look for people to help you with the long-term sustainability, but I think you may have a lot of that already because of your eagerness to get to that point. Also realize that most entrepreneurs go through 5-10 start ups before they get one that takes off. Also take Rachel's advice to heart, do something you love and the idea will grow into something long-term. You'll have to dig up more of the info yourself if you want it, but hopefully that's a start.
3) My life consists of unfinished ideas that would be great if I would just schedule the time and hold myself accountable to finishing them.
4) Music is your opportunity to add quality to the lives of others. It rarely gets you much monetarily but you have the ability to distill the dews of Heaven upon the ears of the righteous, the downtrodden, the wicked, and even little boys who would rather play cars. But at least they can play cars with the Spirit in their midst if you invite it with music. They will look back with fondness of growing up in a house of music and it will influence their behavior for the better.
All I can say is that I wish I had some of your talents! I can't sing or sew to save my life. And I am interested in healthy recipes. Post some of them on your blog.
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